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Submitted by Anon (Somewhere, NY) on 05.19.13

I recently got over a really bad stomach bug. When it started I woke up early on my day off to bad cramps, a feverish, sweaty feeling, an unsettled stomach, and a horrible burning need to use the toilet. I went and ended up violently yet effortlessly releasing about two cups of hot liquid then collapsing on my bed again. Not five minutes later I felt the urge again, but this time my stomach felt extremely upset and I wasn't sure I could stand up without puking all over the place. I laid there in agony for quite a while, then managed to stand up and walk very slowly to the bathroom. I sat down and immediately began squirting it out without even pushing. I have never pooped liquid so violently or loudly in my entire life. It literally sounded like a garden hose being aimed into the toilet. Astoundingly, my stomach didn't feel any better and I actually felt like I still needed to poop. I felt horrible and did not want any exertion, but I wanted relief so badly that I strained. Of course the explosion made the first one pale in comparison, but it still did not make my stomach feel better. In fact, the effort of releasing my bowels pushed me over the edge and made something else release. I jumped up quickly, flushing as I did so, and was on the ground heaving over the bowl before I even had time to pull my pants up. Apparently the diarrhea flushed everything out of my system, because there was nothing left to come up but bile- acidic, burning bile that dribbled pathetically out of my mouth and nose simultaneously while I retched so hard I felt lightheaded. And of course, retching this hard tends to have an equal but opposite reaction. I shit muddy water on the cabinet behind me and got to mop it up with toilet paper. I proceeded to spend the next few hours on the couch, getting up every five minutes to crap liquid like a fire hose. I didn't vomit anymore, but it was three days before I was back to eating normally.

Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 573 Not So Much 661


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