Submitted by Shitty Pants (Long Island, NY) on 07.22.14
I went for a walk with my wife, baby and dog. Over a mile away from the house I realized I had a major storm brewing....major cramping, nausea, sweats. Needless to say the trek back towards the homestead was no fun. I made it all the way to the front yard but forget to keep my asshole clenched....I began to unleash the largest, diarrhea bomb in history right then and there. I began to run towards my house as diarrhea came down my legs...I was wearing shorts...wonder if the neighbors saw. I quickly opened the door to the kitchen as shit began to fly out of my shorts leg and all over the floor. I attempted to make it to the bathroom but I forgot the dog outside. Quickly I let her in, stripped naked and rushed to the bathroom. Mind you I had left the largest pile of diarrhea on the floor and next to it my shit covered clothes. There was so much shit in my shorts that it came around the front and covered me all the way to my belly button. I sat down on the toilet and made a mess with my shitty ass. I had nothing left as I had unleashed all of my bowels already and then I then hopped in the shower to wash myself off. When I was done I came out to see my wife's face aghast with her jaw hanging low (I walked as fast as I could to get home to attempt to shit leaving my wife and child behind). I then began the process of cleaning up the most immense shit mess in history...there was a lot. I threw my clothes out and used an entire roll of paper towels just to pick up all of the diarrhea off the kitchen floor. I then used 5 swiffer wet jet pads to clean up the remaining mess. I almost forgot to mention the joy of cleaning the toilet seat of all my shit and having to wash shit down the shower drain as it rinsed off of my body. The best part was realizing my cell phone was in my shit covered shorts which was at the bottom of the garbage bag...under a pile of shit covered paper towels and wet jet pads. I proceeded to retrieve my cell phone and then lay in bed ashamed. That lasted all of 5 minutes. I now am typing this story as I googled "I shit my pants"...I highly recommend some of the youtube videos..they will cheer you up. This story is 100% true.
Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 417 Not So Much 394
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