Submitted by The mailman (Wilmington, DE) on 07.29.15
I was working as a mailman and coming off of heroin. I was doing my route and felt really bad. I thought I had to fart, but instead or letting out a test fart, I shit myself. It was like hot fudge running down my leg. I panicked and called my girlfriend, shit still oozing. After telling her I shit myself she started laughing hysterically and said, "so let me get this straight, you just shit yourself? It's still in your pants? You're not cleaning it up yet, and you called to ask me what to do?" I replied, "yeah! What do I do? I'm freaking out! Help me!" She asked where I was, and I told her. She told me to go in the bathroom of the local pizza shop and clean myself up and throw my boxers away. I did as she said except there was no trash can in the bathroom. So I stuck my dirty drawers behind the toilet. Worse part is, I came back over 5 months later and they were still there. The pizza shop has been demolished for about 6 months now and there is another business there now. Long story short, I shit my pants, panicked, finished my route and probably put a pizza shop out of business in the process.
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