Submitted by Caca Caliente (San Juan, PA) on 07.30.15
So this afternoon I went to the car dealership to get my oil and filter changed, as well as an inspection.
Since these things tend to take their time (especially in Puerto Rico), I ended up getting hungry, and left the dealership on foot to go to the nearest eating establishment, Panda Express. Which was all the way at the opposite end of the avenue, about a mile down.
I got the Teryaki Chicken (which is grilled), fried rice with vegetables, and steamed vegetables. In reality, it's the healthiest thing that one could get at a Panda Express. And it's not like I've never eaten Chinese before.
So after quickly eating, I commence my walk back to the dealership. I was talking with my girlfriend about serious stuff on the cell phone while walking. I felt especially sweaty at the moment, but it was hot as an oven, summer in Puerto Rico, so nothing unusual.
All of the sudden, about three blocks away from the dealership. I just feel a disgusting two squirts of liquid just pour out of my anus. It was so unexpected that I wasn't sure what had happened, but I quickly told my girlfriend "I'll call you back in a bit", and hung up.
I was so shocked that I had to put my finger on the backside of my pants to do the "touch test". Not that I couldn't feel the shitty liquid running down my leg, anyway. Yes..... I had definitely shat myself.
Luckily the car dealership was set up with the offices where one pays and talks with the clerk on the perimeter of the building, and there was a door with direct access from the parking lot to the office where my car's keys were. The attendee was not in the office, so I hocked my keys from the desk, opened the trunk of my car, and snatched my "emergency bag", which has some tools, water, clothing, a belt, etc. I managed to slide thru the main door of the dealership and into the bathroom without anyone really seeing me, and I changed. I had to wipe down my entire lower body, but I was still rank. I rolled up my jeans, put the into the emergency bag, washed my hands, and proceeded to finish my transactions at the dealership.
I'm so lucky that severe embarrassment was avoided!
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