Submitted by Greenie (WPB , FL) on 09.07.15
My wife made me spinach soup once, and it was so good I had three big bowls of it.
Next day I went shooting in the woods with some buddies and the soup hit me like a ton of bricks.
So...I had to go and let nature experience the wrath.
No trees around, just scrub. Not good. Had to either take pants off, or risk shitting in my own breeks. Or... do the crabwalk position. I opted for the crabwalk.
Pants down, letting seemingly gallons of green mud shoot from my ass like ejecta from a NASA rocket... I heard the not very familiar sound of a mother rattlesnake warning me to clear out.
FAAAK! Snake was was two feet away, and not happy. I started to crab walk, trying to avoid the green pile.
Thoughts went to the old Old Ranger joke... you gonna DIE Kimosabe!!!!
I screamed. Men with guns came, and I didn't care if they were there while I wiped by butt with an old Burger King bag.
Several hundred shots later, and the snake was still alive. I grabbed my friends Redhawk, and put one shot into its body right behind the head. Done.
That skin was in my livin' room for darn near 10 years but it got lost in a move. Oh well.
Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 278 Not So Much 214
Submit your best "Oops I Shit Myself" story!