Submitted by T.Poo (Some City, Some State) on 07.08.16
One time a few years ago I ate Mexican food, and as delicious as it was, it ended up causing a total shitstorm (literally)! I was completely fine for the first 48hrs but then on Sunday (the lords day, mind you) all hell broke loose. At around eleven at night my mom, who also had the Mexican food, started throwing up, and since it was around midterms I tried to avoid getting sick by guzzling almost an entire carton of orange juice to give me a vitamin C boost. I decided to go to bed early, but I started feeling a bit queasy. I thought I was just psyching myself out after seeing my mom sick, so I layed there for a whil watching Friends to comfort myself, and even dosed off for a bit. All of a sudden my eyes shot open as the overwhelming urge to shit (and vomit) took over my entire body. I jumped out of bed in complete fight or flight mode and dashed to the upstairs bathroom, to find my mom still in there with the door locked. In a frenzy I ran downstairs praying to God and all that is holy that the downstairs bathroom wasn't occupied, but unfortunately my dad was in their, also vomiting. Shit out of luck I bolted back upstairs into my kitchen an paced back and forth trying to decide my course of action. I decide the best thing to do was crouch in front of the garbage can. After my entire life began flashing before my eyes and I began question my existence, I began throwing up while untrollably shitting in my shorts. After the vomiting stopped a stayed crouched there for a moment realizing that I had just shit myself and now there was a pile of liquid turd on my kitchen floor. I waddled down the stairs clenching the back of my shorts, hoping the shit wouldn't drip down the stairs, and scurried to the bathroom. My dad, who was moaning on the sofa next to the bathroom door, called to me before I went in to not be in there for too long, for his own selfish reasons. All j could think was "listen up douche, I'm going to be in here as long as I want- I just had the most traumatic experience of my life because you were in the bathroom." I waddled over to the toilet where I tried to slide my shorts down carefully without unleashing the clumps of shit in my underpants, but my attempts proved futile as shit began dripping down the side of the toilet. I climbed in the shower, naively thinking that that was the worst of it was over, even laughing at the fact that I had just shit myself for the first time since I was a baby. That night I continuosly had the same experience of uncontrollably shitting myself, waking up every half hour. There was a certain point where I was running out of underwear and I was sick of having to change myself so j ended up just laying out paper towels for myself like a dog and I just kind of layed down naked on my bedroom floor in utter defeat. I think the worst part of it all is having to go to Walmart after missing school for days, and having to buy underwear, just underwear. Everyone there new and that's how I got the name T.Poo. I still hate orange juice and Mexican food.
Vote:Yeah! You Shit the *Shit* out of yourself! 222 Not So Much 231
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