Submitted by Tricky Dick (Phoenix, AZ) on 10.23.16
My grandmother and I had been discussing various home remedies during a visit when she asked if I had ever tried an epsom salt cleanse. I told her that I hadn't but was interested in the how and why. She said that it was the best way to "get rid of all the left over stuff in your guts." She told me "Take a couple of tablespoons of Epsom salts and dissolve it in a big glass of warm water. Drink it all and don't go anywhere for the rest of the day." So Ifolloe the very simple instructions and nothing happens. The next morning I have to go to school and jump in my car. As I'm driving down the street I feel my bowels shift. My brow begins to perspire. I'm pretty sure I have to fart. I lift my leg to give it some room. My asshole quivers and starts to shoots out what feels like molten lava. I immediately fill my underwear with this hot mess. Fuck. Thanks Grandma!
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